The Oscars Hot-Men Buffet: tragedy, beards & a Scotsman
The Hot-Man Buffet at this year’s Oscars was totally tragic. I mean, sure, there were a few hot guys there, but it just seemed like they were few and far between. Like we have to make do with only a few hot-dude morsels. I mean, Bradley Cooper? Does he make you hot? He doesn’t do it for me, but I guess some women like it. Gerard looked unkempt, like he’d just rolled out of bed after having spent the past ten hours being serviced by three hookers. Like he was smug and tired and horny and dirty all at once.
Now, I loved Robert Downey Jr. If it was anyone else wearing sneakers and a blue bow-tie, I would probably slam him. But it works on RDJ, doesn’t it? He was so well-groomed too, and he looked so happy to be there. I thought his co-presenting with Tina Fey was one of the highlights, and I also love to see how much he adores his wife Susan (who looked really pretty!).
I’ve begun to fall in love with Jake Gyllenhaal a little bit, so I liked his look. Yes, I wish he had shaved (it’s the Oscars, not a Tokyo photo call), but he looks really great in a classic tux.
Sigh… we need more Dudes in the world. Jeff is so sexy. His niceness and decency are the ultimate aphrodisiac.
I love Christoph Waltz too, just because he comes across as a really nice, hard-working man who hit the lottery with this role. I like how groomed his beard is.
Ryan Reynolds… orange much? Meh. He’s totally vanilla to me, but enjoy.
Jeremy Renner is so cute and tiny (and orange). He’s my little pocket boyfriend. Like the blue/silver tie.
Lenny Kravitz looks… high. But good. I get it when women list Kravitz as one of their favorites.
Chris Pine is such a good looking kid, but I get the feeling he’s a smug bastard. I could be wrong, though. And God knows I love ‘em a little arrogant. His voice plucks my nerves though. He sounds like Ryan Seacrest.
Aw, Matt Damon. He’s so cute! I wonder if he’ll always look this f-cking boyish? Lucy looks totally pregnant again too! What will this be, their fourth?
I can’t help it, I love Antonio Banderas. Melanie looked okay too. Not like the Wrath of God. Good for her.
My mom couldn’t get over how pretty Colin Firth’s wife is. He looked really lovely too – I really liked when he got a little emotional when Julianne Moore was talking about him, and he covered his mouth.
I forgot Sam Worthington initially, sorry about that! CB thinks he’s hot. I think he’s meh. Good accent though.
Sean Penn stayed relatively quiet and classy, so I won’t yell at him. For now.
Tom Ford is such a sexy bitch. I love him.
Clooney looked horrible, didn’t he? Just drunk and unkempt and grumpy and like he didn’t want to be there. I blame Elisabetta and her Tweaked Nips of Doom.
